Cancer Shmancer

Wow, OK, so it has been a while since I've blogged. Honestly, I don't know how I will be able to keep up with this thing, although it is cathartic!

So, for those of you that don't know, and as a re-cap for those that do, my sister Pauline has been diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin's Lymphoma. She has a mass in her chest and some spots around her clavicle. Pardon my French here, but THAT BASTARD! I'm not sure who this cancer thinks he is, but he is messing with the wrong girl here! She has dealt with a different kind of cancer before (when looking up cancer in the dictionary, please note the alternate meaning: ex-husband). Anyway, she is going to kick it's a$$!

All kidding aside, I know that she has the strength to handle this. It makes me so sad that she has to embark on this journey that she did not ask for. I know that good can come of this. That it will strengthen her faith, and mine as well. I hope that we truely learn to live each day like it's our last. I decided that it was a waste of time to ask God "WHY?". It doesn't matter why. This is redundant, "why". The question to ask God is "HOW?". Help her to get through this. How can I help her to get through this? How can this journey make us all stronger? And it's about faith isn't it? At some point, it is out of the hands of my sister. It is out of the hands of the oncologists. Ultimately, it is in the hands of God. I'm no theologist, but I am a thinker. I'm thinking...who better than God to leave it up to? In my heart, I know she is going to be OK....no matter what.

So, it really sucks the air out of you when you find out that your big sis has the big "C". I want to cry, and I do when I can. But I have to remain strong for the kids. I can't be all weepy around them. It can scare them and they don't understand. How do you explain cancer to a 4 year old? When my Dad died, I watched my Mom literally crumble to the ground. That does something to a person. You lose one parent, and the other one crumbles before you. So, I can really push my emotions away to the corner of my mind, where they hang out and fester. This is not healthy. I don't recommend doing this. It has come in handy though. I can be calm in front of the kids as well as my Mom and sisters. Who wants to see me being all weepy anyway? Thank God I have J.R. I can talk to him and cry on his shoulder. The love of my life and my best friend.

And so it begins. Pauline will have the port for chemo put in tomorrow and have a class called "chemo education". Now it's time to fight. To be strong. To keep the faith. To pray.

So, I say....cancer shmancer. "I can do ALL things through HIM who strengthens me" Phil 4:13